Feel free to checkin with Khira as she travels. Please be aware these diary logs mean nothing. They are only a collection of thoughts, feelings and things that occur in times of inner/ outer travel. Last updated: FEB 13th Jan 6th, 2011 Chiang Mai, Thailand I arrived yesterday to my guest house Baan Pim. I had to choke back tears my whole tuk-tuk (motor bike taxi) ride here. The sights, the smells, the memories of my life here and all it was to me, and apparently still is. I walked the streets. Set up my appointments at the Ayurvedic clinic (lymphatic massage, colonic, and herbal sauna). Ahhh 3 days of getting the body back on track from such a stressful season and 2 years of American diet. However, when in Thailand do as Thai’s do...... So I ate at the road side venders at the top of Old City square. Mmm Thai food- deep fried cuttle fish, Pad Thai with shrimp and all the hot peppers I can handle after eating bland American food for so long. Jan. 7th I awake and feel as though I am alone inside a body that I don’t recognize. Who am I? I sit, I cry and I wonder.... Its not that it is scary to be re- identifying myself, it is that I can’t seem to identify with who I have been since I left here last. The city seems lonelier than ever before. I have one friend in the city but my sim card on my thai phone has expired and I have lost all my numbers. Luckily I have internet in my guesthouse and I can wait for her to check and get in touch with me. But still this visit is different than any other. This is no longer my home- but it is... it so is! I might look like a Falang (Westerner) but my heart is Thai. Thoughts of seeing Tor (my passed Thai partner) bring calm, peace, and deep set sorrow to me. I wonder the streets and I wonder within myself not quite sure if I am looking for something or just getting familiar with my (inner) surroundings. What I would I do to have this be my reality, my life again. Ready for yoga school!!! I had a few friends train with Randall and they tell me ‘he is the real deal’. He lives & breaths; passion, practice, spirituality and true being. All the things I feel I have lost since returning to America. I have 2 weeks before school beings. So for now back to wondering my inner streets and this outer Chiang Mai city. Jan 8th ‘Oh my Buddha’! (The Thai’s mimic Western saying of ‘oh my god’). I love it here. I love how the rules are only suggestions. I love how people smile, not because they have to to be polite but because they are truly happy. They know how good they have it here. I have never been any where in all my travels that I feel safer than I do here in Thailand. I, one woman, am safe walking down the streets at midnight, one, two, or three am. I have yet to meet an energetic vampire. Many travelers come looking for health/ healing. There are signs galore for reiki, cranial sacral treatments, emotional release sessions, Thai massage, foot massage, acupuncture, yoga yoga and more yoga as well as Tai Chi, ball yoga, pilates, mountain bike tours through the country side. Whatacha looking for you can most likely find it here. Went out last night looking for an old roommate from my first year in Pai. Didn’t find him but met a friend of his and went out to listen to live Thai music. Had a great time sharing stories and laughing at miscommunication. Drew a few pictures to get my point across and laughed laughed laughed. The innocents of the people is so full of vitality, full of dreams and gentle with so much care. I am nourished in the arms of Thailand. Rented a bicycle today. Road around the city and love the whole inter mingling with the cars, motorbikes and pedestrians. It looks like chaos but without hesitation if flows organically. The weather has been cooler than normal. Locals talk about the strange weather and even speak of global warming. Surprisingly enough they have asked about what I know concerning the recent odd deaths of thousands of birds in Arkansas and millions of fish in Florida. They too know things are changing quickly and that something has to give, even if it is existence. Jan 13th Things are great here. Its been raining, which is extremely out of character for this time of year. I have never known it to rain outside of rainy season (Jun-Sept). Everyone is tripped out about it. More and more talks about global warming and how the rain could create a problem with crops and produce in the region. After 3 days of treatments I feel amazing. I have lost 3 pounds. Not that I needed to loose it but just goes to show how even a small body type can be full of shit, literally. Yesterday I had an intense stomach massage by a westerner. Had lots of memory flash backs while in session and then went into some kind of 'awake convolutions'. I did my best to some what control the trembling but no matter how I was taking in or releasing air out, I shook. No matter if I moved; arms legs, rolled my body onto side, I shook. Some were vicious jerks that lifted me off the ground. It was like nothing I had ever experienced. The masseuse was taken by surprise as well. Huge healing is all I can say. I have been hanging out with a friend of a friend and have had the pleasure of going to places I would not have been able to find without a Thai knowing where they were going. Hiked up Doi Pui summit to see the city, however the fog was so thick the city could not be seen. But the mountain jungle views were worth it. The orchids are not in blood yet but many species are full of buds Met up with an old French friend who is my Mac computer buddy. He is the one who helped me to get all my free down loaded movies. I am hoping he wil help me to set up my computer to get more movies/ tv shows while I am in Bali. he has been here 7 years, owns a company and has taught me many things about staying in Thailand by making business here. I figure after 1-3 more years in the Fork and I will have what I need to come, invest and life my dream life again. Went out with my sister, Sara, the other night and danced until our cloths were wet with sweat. Have missed her so much. She used to live in Pai. We would walk our dogs together, exchange reiki/ cranial sacral treatments and go to meditation retreats. She lives in the city now and is taking Thai classes, which is a very good things for her. 5 years in Thailand and just now she is taking the time to study. I will meet up with her again when I return from my visa from Pai. Today I take a mini bus to Pai. Three and a half hours of switch backs over 2 mountain summits to the what once was the sweet, quite, village of Pai. Although I have come to find out most of the friends i was going to visit have moved to Chiang Mai city ( i have run into 2 of them randomly walking down the street or in live music venues. But there are still some friends in Pai village I want to visit. Plus I want to see my house, cat and dog again. Im a bit concerned about going. I have heard so many stories from those who have left Pai and in many ways want to remember it how is was. Quite, rice paddy field, Spiritual hippies, healing treatments/ retreats galore. Well any way just being back in Thailand has made me feel at home inside myself again so as long as I carry this feeling with me I will be at home in myself in the new Pai. Interesting how being on this side of the world I become optimistic, playful, smile and breath love and light. I am happy to be back to my old self again. I love me! And sending this love to all those whom lives I have touched. Love and blessings to all!!!!   Beung Pai Farm Guesthouse and Organic Farm, Pai.Jan 14th, 2011 Took a yoga class with Casey this morning. He and I used t share teaching out of my house when we were in trouble with immigration. Was nice to be on the receiving end and I amazed myself at my strength, flexibility and balance after so long of not practicing. Had a long discussion with him about how as gypsies we must continue to shift our living environment from time to time. To wash out the stagnation of mundane life. To recharge our back to basics survival battery and remind our selves to see the pros and cons of all our environments. He reminds me of when I was leaving Pai to return to America and how I needed to go- Go live in the country I can work with no problem, to be an equal amongst other westerners, to no longer need to worry about visa runs every three months yet as well as go back to the dog eat dog world, the cruel western mind feed full of fear, bull shit & politics the country were disease is cheaper than health. I love Casey for todays conversation. Brings to my awareness that when the north winds blow we must go- travel, explore, step out of our comfort zones and redefine ourselves. Its how the modern gypsy functions. In all reality had I not chosen to go back to America I would have not known how good it was here in the East (hemisphere that is).... in the nurturing department, the belonging department, the living life fully department. Nor would I have fallen into the circumstance to be able to make good money and return to the East with gratefulness, all while having gratitude for what the West had done for me. I ran into Joe, a Cali man I met at Beung Pai Farm 2 years ago. We spoke of our meeting back then, the loss of his email and about the jobs we do and the choices it provides us with in life. We are lucky to do what we do and be able to live the traveling life. To get out of from under the fear of Red White & Blue, step out of the Box and experience self- unbound by Western striving culture. There is a raw food restaurant in Pai now and the lasagna is amazing! All of my favorite organic, no msg and vegetarian restaurants are still thriving. Things are good here. Although there are hoards more Thai tourists but still have a few gentle westerners here. The new paper write up I began so long ago and the flyer of what and where is going on in Pai is still in the making. But as usual there are tourists that did not read their guide books, or just have not respect for themselves or the Thai culture and they make all tourists get stereo typed. Again I am embarrassed to be American. “I come from Planet Earth, and at this time work and reside in California”, is my answer to the always asked question form other tourists. I returned to my guesthouse for the night and spun some poi out in the dark lawn next to the fish pond. First night here I didn’t cry myself to sleep remembering Tor. His passing is finally passing through me. Blessing to the spirit who was Tor in this life time. I just cant say it enough- I love me here. I belong in this culture, this gentle way of existence, and I belong inside my skin. Not even Bali makes me feel this way. Bali is Spiritual University. Thailand is Life of walking, breathing, eyes open, constant meditation. Ommmmmm Shanit Shanti Shanti. Feb 13th My teacher training was great. Wonderful yoga asana practice and perfect teaching to stimulate bringing yoga practice off the mat and into my daily life. Asana teachings were at my practice level and I was so happy to be doing postures I hadn't done in years, even a few I had not seen before. My training was cut short, 2 weeks short,from a fall out of a hammock. I unaligned my sacral-iliac joint, cracked my sacrum bone for the most part. I was in so much pain and unable to walk for 2 days. Even after the2 days I couldn't go any where that was uneven ground. I stayed in my room, on my belly, in meditation/ contemplation for 2 weeks. It was rough on the body and on the mind as well. But i got through it. I have arrived in Bali now and instantly I am reminded that I am not longer in the land of the Buddha. I was ripped off immediately by a money exchanger. He was really good at distracting me and I lost about $60. Ahhh Bali. In Thailand the Buddha is always watching in Bali the people chose to deal with Karma. I will be taking it easy here in Bali. Is my first time to come as a tourist with western money. All the times before I was on Thai budget. Was planning to do all the tourist things; treking, adventure tours and such, but i will be doing my usual, relaxing on the beach just to let the bones heal. I am sending warm hugs and beautiful fragrant flowers your way. May the keep you warm though the cold. Much love Khira |